The Week in Sports 9/4

Football is back, and with the return of football comes the return of The Week In Sports. Let's get to it.

Texas lost their season opener to Maryland for the second straight year after losing the turnover battle 3-0. It was particularly surprising that the Longhorns didn’t force more fumbles given Tom Herman’s affinity for strips.

Many Buckeyes fans were questioning their new starting quarterback leading up to Ohio State’s matchup vs. Orgeon State. After Haskins’s 5 TD performance against the Beavers, there was yet another wave of people in Columbus trying to delete text messages.

LSU took down Miami at AT&T Stadium and Tigers fans were quick to determine that with Joe Burrow, the team finally had an elite quarterback. As you can see, the bar for elite quarterbacks at LSU isn’t as high as some other programs.

Virginia Tech went into Tallahassee on Monday and beat down Florida State by a score of 24-3. We should have seen this coming, as history has told us that Seminoles have trouble defending their home turf.

Braylon Edwards has been suspended from the Big Ten Network after a series of offensive tweets about Michigan’s football program. The Wolverines should be embracing the tweets, as it was the only semblance of offense the program had this weekend.

Trader Joe’s had a bit of a rough weekend as actor Geoffrey Owens was shamed for his part-time job at the grocery chain. The good news is that Trader Joe didn’t have nearly as bad of a weekend as Trader John.

The Lakers and Luol Deng agreed to a buyout which opens up a roster spot for the upcoming season and a max contract for next summer. I’ve got a pretty good idea who they’re going to use it on.

JR Smith will reportedly be headed to court over misdemeanor charges for throwing someone’s phone. If throwing a phone is a misdemeanor, where do the courts stand on throwing other objects?

Ryan Howard announced his retirement from baseball on Monday. Now that he’s retired, he’ll have more time to spend with his friends and family, like his old pal, Jared!