Secure the Bag 1/22/18

Welcome to Secure the Bag. It's the Weekend Update meets the sports world. It's the intersection of topical sports news, topical business news, and, occasionally, topical ointments.

Months and months of continued doubt – months and months of proving doubters wrong. However, with one rough week in January, two bubbles may have burst. When comparing Keenum's QB Rating since 12/10 to Bitcoin's price trend, there's a striking similarity. Case, meet Crypto.

After the Minneapolis Miracle, the often skeptical Vikings fan base began to envision a dream of a home Super Bowl. However, the Eagles wouldn’t let a bunch of Dreamers stand in the way of their shutdown as they limited the Vikings to just 7 points. GOP, give them a ring.

After an excellent performance by the finally healthy Rockets, many are looking to them as the team that could take down the class of the West, the Warriors, in the playoffs. It's peak NBA midseason boredom.

Apple announced that after just a few months, they’re shutting down production of the iPhone X – how could something so pure and full of hope a few months ago be such a bust? Philly might know.

The New England Patriots came back from a 10-point deficit in the least surprising way to bounce back for a win and head to the Super Bowl. It doesn’t matter if they’re down, they’re always coming back up. Talk about an electric giveaway next year.

The Cavs were in the news all week for their turmoil and abysmal defense. The Volkswagen XL1 is a top of the line model and is known for its incredibly low drag coefficient. A match made in heaven.

Zion Williamson committed to Duke after many expected him to stay home in South Carolina.  VisitNc.com, this feels like your time.

Do I really need to explain this one?

Incredibly, Tide rushed to tackle their current issue by bringing Gronk in (presumably because if he’s smart enough to not eat them, anyone is) and discouraging consumption. Terrible marketing tactic. Telling kids that something is prohibited will just make them want it more. The correct tactic is to take away the cool factor from eating this laundry detergent (dammit 2018 for making me even have to type that string of words). Show a real nerd eating tide pods and kids will instantly stop wanting to eat them. I know just the guy.

More to come next week.